This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
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I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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