I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Someone signed my nipple.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
