I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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