"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
