Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
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