remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
