I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
