So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
