david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
