i don't plan on having that self control this summer
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
