I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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