Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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