I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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