How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I look better un-naked...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
