Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
MIDGETS
????
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
