Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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