brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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