is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
it's great music for shaving your balls
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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