For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
