i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
