How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
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It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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