i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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