It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
