I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
