Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize