alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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