Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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