I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
