It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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