I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
