Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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