Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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