i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
How naked do you want me to be?
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