so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
