u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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