i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
