you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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