Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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