Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
