what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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