Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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