My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
