Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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