how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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