yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
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My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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