party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
