I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
