he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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