Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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