before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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