His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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