giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
