But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
