My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
