Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
