I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he was CRYING into my vagina
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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