The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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