I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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