My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
