he shaved USA in his pubs
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
