You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
