Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
