meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
