I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
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So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
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I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
there is glitter all over my balls
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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