i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
