I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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