Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
