Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
