her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
