I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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