Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
