how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
