It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
