My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
