lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
