you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
nutella sex= disaster
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
