Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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