wake up i wanna do it froggy style
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
