Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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