i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
