I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
