The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Found the puke drawer
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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