YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
