Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
