twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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