Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
