Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
